Monkey Shine
by New Secret Identity
Summary: Tequila, a gorilla suit, and a case of mistaken identity...Certainly an evening to remember. AN May I just point out that this story is hilarious. It also contains excellent vocabulary and good grammar, too!


This is a derivative work of fiction. (Very nearly) all characters are the creations of Masashi Kishimoto. Apologies to all those who are fans of _Perpetual Motion._ This is obviously not a new chapter of that story! I feel I need to reassess my characterization in that story before I proceed any further with it. Please understand! Thanks for your support. It really means a lot to me. I've actually been afraid of posting this up on lest I provoke the ire of fans of my HMC fic. Flame me if you like! I probably deserve it. But please enjoy this "new" story.

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Her breasts looked like two furry, suffocating cantaloupes struggling for freedom. When people asked Ino what she was, she responded "cave woman." Somehow Gaara suspected that high heels were an historical anachronism.

Nonetheless, he was beginning to understand why Uzumaki had insisted that he come on this cultural foray into the holiday known as "Halloween"—nearly naked women. It had been depressingly easy to slip the watchful gaze of his security retinue and escape with Naruto into the night. Not that the Kazekage really needed protection, but it was the principal of the thing. Guards were supposed to guard things. That's what they do. Once they returned to Sunagakure their Captain would hear about it.

He frowned as he watched Naruto, dressed up as Hokage, pursue a devil-horned Sakura across the dance floor. As Gaara now understood it, Halloween was an excuse for young children to dress up as story-book characters and beg for candy, and, apparently among those too old to beg for sweets, a reason to dress up in as little as possible and get very, very drunk. Gaara was still fully clothed and distressingly sober; this was probably why he wasn't enjoying himself too much.

As a man from a country that was nearly destitute, he marveled at the bacchanalian, materialist grandeur of the proceedings—elaborate costumes made only to be worn once, an abundance of unneeded food, more varieties of alcohol than could be seen at any bar in the more libatiously conservative Sunagakure, blaring music pumping from the twin speakers that stood on either side of the room, and bodies, hot, stripped, bumping in unison.

As a former adrenaline junky he silently wished that he had met up with pop music, wine and women when he was younger, maybe desert coffin would have held less sway on his senses if he had other unhealthy thrills like those available to his more affluent Konohagure counterparts.

As it was however, he was a foreigner in a strange place on more levels then one. Totally unfamiliar with dancing, inexperienced at engaging the opposite sex and equally unwilling to admit it, Gaara stood where he had been abandoned shortly after arrival, near the punch bowl leaning against the wall, his gourd slung over his shoulder as always and, as always, watching.

"Itchy" and "hot," these were the two adjectives that best described Hinata's current situation. Although "blind" might also rightfully belong on that list, the list that she was currently adding the header "Why I should have never chosen this costume" to. Oh well, it was certainly an original idea. Or so she had thought at the time when she picked it out with Sakura and Ino.

It was just that Hinata had discovered that there was only one formula for costumes made for adult women, and that formula was "Slutty + (e.g.; pirate, cat, teacher, cop, dog, banana, banjo, school girl) Halloween costume." At the store that they had gone to, the options for women's costumes all conformed to this formula, hence Ino's Slutty Cave Woman and Sakura's Slutty Devil outfit.

Which was not to say of course that Sakura and Ino didn't pull their particular iterations of the "Slut +" theme off to a "T." They did. That was one of the reasons that Hinata was not interested in competing with them.

Also it was true that bucking the norm gave her no small amount of satisfaction, and a secret sense of superiority. But at this moment, as Shino (dressed as an exterminator of all things) guided her through the bodies on the dance floor, Hinata began to question how she could ever mistake dressing in a full-body gorilla suit for a badge of moral rectitude. Especially since, as it has already been noted, she was now, exceedingly sweaty, developing some sort of heat rash and otherwise unable to see anything through her mask. Yes, it could be said that Hyuuga Hinata was not enjoying herself too much.

She was relieved when they successfully emerged from the hypnotic press of the dance floor. Shino released her hand and they walked toward the long buffet table that held bowls containing just about every type of junk food imaginable, as well as an assortment of alcohol, and even a punch bowl disguised as a cauldron steaming with dry ice.

Shino was about to mix himself a drink when Hinata noticed a girl named Chisa speaking with Ten Ten a few yards away. Hinata knew for a fact that Shino secretly had a thing for Chisa. Wise in the ways of the world, Hinata was aware that both men and fate sometimes need prompting. She leaned near Shino's ear and whispered,

"I think that's Chisa's over there, speaking with Ten Ten."

"I know," Shino responded dryly.

"She's drinking a gin fizzy," Hinata continued.

"…"

"Looks a little low…you know. Ummm…like she could use a refresher…" Hinata waited for a response.

"…"

Sighing, Hinata grabbed a clean cup, and mixed some soda and a shot of gin and set it down in front of Shino.

"Shino, I will never speak to you again if you don't walk over there right now and give Chisa this drink."

Shino turned to Hinata and couldn't help smirking at his short friend, her twin ape paws balled up into fuzzy fists on her hips, her determined expression no doubt currently mimicking the feral grimace affixed to her mask.

"Hai," he said, in his usual emotionless tone, obediently accepting the drink and carrying it along with his to where Chisa was standing.

Hinata watched her friend approach his would-be amore and grinned as he she accepted the drink he offered her. Well, at least some one would have a good time tonight. Hinata awkwardly swung her masked head around, carefully scanning the assembled mass for anyone she knew.

Naruto was dancing shamelessly with some blond Hinata recognized but couldn't name. Hampered by the long hem of his Hokage outfit, Naruto had hitched up the hem and tucked it into his belt, the visual affect being that of a large cloth diaper. He looked absolutely absurd. Naruto was of course too drunk too care, and too much himself to care even if he weren't drunk. Hinata couldn't stop from laughing at him, even if it wasn't terribly nice.

Kiba was conversing with Shikamaru whose eyes were trained on someone on the dance floor. Hinata turned her head and squinted to see who he might be staring so intently at. Sure enough, Ino was currently dancing with some hot-shot Jounin named Ikari.

Having located her friends among the mass of occupants, Hinata turned back to the table to grab herself something to drink. This time a figure that she hadn't noticed before caught her eye. It was a tall man, standing in the shadows a few feet from the table, leaning against the wall.

A fellow wall-flower! Hinata loved wall-flowers, especially those who were more socially inept and generally uncomfortable in their present situation than she was. They made her feel a lot better about her own social skills (or lack thereof.) Also, Hinata had plenty of first hand experience being the only person at a party not talking to anyone. It sucked. She liked to make it her personal mission to speak with her fellow social pariahs.

Hinata sidled up to the punch caldron and filled two cups with the blood-red concoction. Who could say what was in it? She prayed it wasn't lethal, anyway. Hinata turned and began her approach.

Gaara looked over and was quite surprised to see some sort of shaggy hominid ambling towards him bearing drinks. He looked to away to determine who the stranger was approaching and was surprised when a soft, feminine voice greeted him.

"Ano..um…Hi!"

Gaara stared down at the short creature, unsure of his reaction.

"That's an awesome costume," it continued in an airy if slightly nervous voice. "Are you supposed to be Sabaku no Gaara?"

Shocked, Gaara said nothing.

"Wow, you even got the gourd and everything!" It enthused, leaning in to inspect the weapon strapped to his back.

Gaara leaned away, uncomfortable of any scrutiny of what he considered a bare extension of his own body, but still curious to see where this little misunderstanding would go. Hinata noticed the stranger's defensiveness and changed tactics.

"Would you like a drink?" she asked, offering him a cup.

Gaara hesitated for a moment, but sensing no malice of intent, he carefully took the cup proffered to him. He sniffed the contents speculatively, and then turned to watch his new companion as it tried to drink its own punch through the mouth opening in its mask. He watched as the creature bumped the edge of its plastic cup against its lip twice before gingerly leaning its head back to take a careful sip.

Amused, he heard the creature sputter and gasp as some liquid seeped between the mask and its skin. It set the cup down on the table quickly and yanked the full-head mask off, revealing to his surprise the pretty fair-skinned profile of a young woman with dark hair.

"Gods, that was a bad idea," she laughed as she wiped desperately at her chin with the back of a fuzzy hand.

Hinata turned to smile at the stranger. She noticed that he was dressed impeccably in a burgundy outfit, the high collar of the button down shirt fitting his neck tightly. He had the most vivid turquoise eyes she had ever seen, made even more striking by the black eye liner he wore. He had really gone all out on the gourd, too. It almost looked real.

"I should have gone with sexy fire-fighter," Hinata joked, smiling at him.

Gaara's brow creased.

"Sexy fire-fighter?" he asked.

_Finally,_ she thought triumphantly, _words!_

"Uh-huh," Hinata smiled encouragingly, blushing slightly as his blue eyes bore into hers.

"Umm..yeah…well, you know…with women's costumes they're all pretty much the same. It has to be "sexy" something. You know, like sexy school-teacher, or cheerleader, or what have you. It's kind of ridiculous."

"Dressing up as a monkey isn't ridiculous?" Gaara asked, warming up a little to the conversation.

It was kind of nice knowing that she hadn't realized his true identity. It was like having a genuine conversation with someone, without the ever-present knowledge that they were afraid of him, either because of his reputation or his rank.

"I'm a great ape, thank you," Hinata said, sweeping some of her dark bangs out of her eyes.

Her irises were completely white, he noticed. That would make her a Hyuuga, but which one?

"Hm," he responded.

"Yes, well. I'll thank you to not criticize my costume. You don't see me criticizing yours, after all," Hinata continued. _Wow, am I flirting with this guy?_ Hinata wondered.

"What's wrong with my costume?" Gaara asked, amused.

Hinata looked at him closely, her eyes traveling up to his face and scrutinizing the kanji painted to his forehead. She quickly looked away as she felt a blush bloom on her cheeks as he looked back at her.

"Ano…your kanji, "love." It's on the wrong side."

"Really?" Gaara asked, sarcasm edging into his voice.

"Definitely," Hinata smiled at him obliviously. Truthfully she couldn't remember which side Sabaku no Gaara's kanji was on. She was pretty sure it was the right, anyway.

"It's okay," she continued. "It's such a small detail…"

She looked back up at him and was happy to see that his lips were quirked in a smile that he was obviously trying to conceal.

"And how do you know this?" He asked her.

"I've seen him in person. Well, a long time ago, admittedly. At the Chuunin exam…in the forest of death and then at the arena."

Hinata's light tone dulled a little, as memories of watching Sabaku no Gaara at the Chuunin exam filled her mind. She spared a glance at her companion and saw that he seemed similarly affected by her admission, although for what reason she didn't know. He was frowning deeply, his brow furrowed with dark emotion. She had just said something that killed the mood. Nervously, she back peddled randomly.

"Sabaku no Gaara must be really smart, though," she said.

He looked at her, pausing for a moment before taking the bait.

"Why do you say that?"

"Well, think about it. The kanji for "love" has fifteen strokes in it, and he supposedly tattooed himself backwards on his forehead with that symbol when he was kid…I could barely remember how to write my name at until I was six…"

"Maybe it held a lot of meaning for him," Gaara said.

In truth it was Shukaku that had scarred him as a reminder of who he was and what he lived for, but no one except his siblings knew this.

"You're right, I wonder why?" Hinata asked, rhetorically.

Hinata saw Kiba approaching them, his expression curiously stern. Too lazy to construct another costume this year, he had gone as the Wolf Man again, complete with fake fangs, a bouffant hair-do and huge stick-on side burns.

"Hey Hina-chan," Kiba said, eyeing the Sabaku-look-a-like with mistrust, but still nodding to him in greeting.

"Kiba! Do you like my outfit? Oh, wait. Don't say anything yet I don't have my mask on. Ugh! It's still wet on the inside. Here," Hinata held the mask up to her face, without pulling it back over her head.

"Why a monkey?" Kiba asked, laughing.

"Augh!" Hinata cried, ripping her mask away from her face and whapping Kiba with it.

"You, too? That's exactly what…" Hinata turned to her tall, red-haired companion and blushed, realizing that she hadn't even asked him what his name is. "Ano, I'm sorry. I haven't even introduced myself, my name…"

But Hinata didn't get the chance to complete her sentence, before she felt a pair of large hands on her waist. She cried out as her feet left the floor and as she was unceremoniously thrown over a shoulder. She realized with a gasp Naruto who had just grabbed her and felt her face turn purple with mortification.

"Hina-chan…You're going to dance with me now!" Naruto yelled.

"You could've j..j…just asked," she said stuttered as she stared at his back.

"You always say 'no,'" he scolded.

"That's because I can't dance," Hinata responded, and it was true. Despite her long standing crush on Naruto, which had, fortunately for her, faded in time when it became apparent that he was more interested in Saruno, Hinata _hated_ to dance, especially in front of other people and _most _especially with the one person she still became a stuttering idiot around.

"Uzumaki, what are you doing to my cousin?"

A low, dangerous voice came from behind Hinata as she dangled from Naruto's shoulder. Hinata shifted her head and was presented with her cousin Neji's arms folded in front of his chest. Neji was dressed like a knight; perhaps he would live up to his outfit and rescue her.

"Neji-niisan…" she began, but was cut off when Naruto turned to face Neji.

She grabbed the material of the nearest shirt within arm's reach and tugged on it gently.

"Ano…a little help," she said, lifting up her arms. She thought that she was tugging on Kiba's shirt and was surprised when she realized that it was her nameless companion who accepted her reach.

Grateful, she hooked her arms around his neck and clung to him as he pulled her from Naruto's grasp. When their body's met she felt a sudden jolt of sensation course through her body. Shocked by its sudden intensity she looked up into his stern face. He, like her, seemed to be affected by their impromptu embrace. His mouth was open as if he was about to say something but couldn't quite find the words. Hinata scrutinized the features of his face more closely, noting the fine details of the tattoo on his forehead. Realization dawned.

"You're not wearing a costume, are you?" Hinata asked, quietly.

Gaara slowly shook his head.

"Oh," Hinata said. "Oh!" She exclaimed as she realized that she still had her arms around his neck.

She let go of him and backed into Naruto.

"Ah, sumemasen! Kazekage-sama, I hope you're not offended," she sputtered as she bowed deeply to him.

"Hina-chan, you didn't know?" Naruto asked, laughing.

Hinata, still doubled over in her bow, felt the blood rushing to her face as a result of gravity and supreme humiliation.

"Don't," Gaara said, he had chosen not to introduce himself. "Sabaku no Gaara-desu."

"Hyuuga Hinata," she said bowing once again. "It's nice to meet you."

Neji took this opportunity to reassert himself.

"Are you okay, Hinata-sama?" he asked.

"What? Yes, I'm fine. Feeling a little stupid, but please, go and enjoy yourself," she said, smiling bravely at him despite her awkwardness.

He nodded to her and left.

"Ne…Hinata, about that dance?" Naruto asked hopefully, he felt partially responsible for his friend's mortification, entertaining as it was.

"Thank you," Hinata responded. "But I don't really feel like dancing right now, Naruto-kun. If you will excuse me," Hinata nodded to the assembled company and then high tailed it toward the bathroom.

They all watched as Hinata left.

"You scared her away, Sabaku," Naruto teased.

_I excel at that,_ Gaara thought.

"Probably terrified by the thought of dancing with you," Gaara quipped.

"Are you having a good time?" Naruto asked his friend.

Gaara nodded; at least he had found something that interested him.

With a grin Naruto left to join the drinking contest that Chouji was loudly announcing. Kiba wandered away leaving Gaara alone once again. Gaara looked down and noticed something black and fury on the tiled floor, Hinata's mask. He picked it up.

Inside the bathroom Hinata was splashing cold water on her flushed face. How could she be so stupid? Not recognizing the Kazekage? _Even worse,_ she thought as she remembered the intensity of her body's reaction to him, _having the hots for him?_ _What a joke!_

As she looked into the mirror, the furry collar of her gorilla suit seemed suddenly suffocating. She struggled to find the tab at the back of her collar and began to unzip it. Hinata stripped off the suit and folded it up the best she could. Beneath the suit she was wearing a black body suit. Not the most modest clothing, but respectable among ninjas, and certainly not any more revealing than slutty Cave Woman, anyway.

Hinata needed a break from partying for a little while, preferably away from people. She peeked outside of the door. Unfortunately the dance floor and a mass of people were between her and the exit. She looked over to the right and saw that there was a clean line of sight to the porch. She could escape through there.

Holding her costume tightly to her chest, Hinata moved quickly to the glass door of the large balcony. She slid it open and stepped outside, the cold air of the night making her shiver slightly. Hinata hopped up onto the ledge, her bare feet hugging the surface of the wood. She stood in the moonlight and let the cool October air bleach the blush from her skin. Hearing the sound of the glass door opening, Hinata turned and nearly lost her footing when she saw the Kazekage staring up at her.

She watched as Gaara approached and held something black and fuzzy out to her. Her mask!

"Th...thank you," she said as she hopped down from the ledge and accepted the mask.

Gaara nodded, noting the goose bumps forming on her exposed arms.

"Hyuuga-_sama_? He asked.

"Yes?" Hinata answered.

"You are the Hyuuga heir?" Gaara asked wanting to confirm the evidence gleaned from her interchange with the man who seemed so protective of her.

She nodded, smiling shyly.

"Hard to believe isn't it?" she joked.

"I remember you, too," he said, referring to the Chuunin exam. "You fought your cousin."

_You were the one who wouldn't stay down, _he thought.

"Yes, I did," she said, her smile becoming a grimace.

Gaara grappled to find something to say to her next. Somehow seeing the way the stray wisps of hair that had escaped her bun lay against her exposed neck had robbed him of his ability to maintain a conversation. Maintaining a conversation admittedly was not one of his strong points. Bringing up the fight with her cousin that happened so long ago had probably not been a good idea. But it was honestly the only thing that came to him. Fortunately for him, Hinata knew how to handle the stern, silent type.

"Won't you enjoy the night air with me, Sabaku-sama?"

She smiled at him warmly, and turned to face the street and the moon above them. He hesitated, wondering if she truly wanted to be alone with him, but the way she looked back at him again over her shoulder and tilted her head just so convinced him to swallow his doubt. He approached the railing that she leaned against and stood next to her, folding his arms over his chest.

The night was warm for so late in the year, and a breeze that was more reminiscent of summer than the coming snow whispered past them, making the leaves of the tree beside the balcony rustle and bringing with it the light scent of sweat and sweet perfume to his senses.

"So…what brings you here?" Hinata asked, referring to Ino's party. It was unheard of for the Kazekage to go anywhere without his retinue, and frankly, attending the party of a mid-level chounin didn't seem like a "must-do" on the Kage's agenda.

"That's confidential," Gaara responded, misinterpreting her question as an inquiry as to why he was in Konoha.

"Oh?" Hinata smiled, unsure whether or not he had just made a joke. She decided to go along with it.

I s…see," she blushed as she stuttered unintentionally. "Perhaps you have a secret mission?"

She turned to him, his face was completely blank.

"I bet I can guess what it is…"

He quirked a hairless brow upwards.

"It's to mortify young, silly women in gorilla outfits, isn't it? Or…I know…maybe it's to keep Naruto-kun from embarrassing himself?"

Gaara smirked, thinking back to the sight of Naruto gyrating to a terrible pop song that seemed to be about "Humps."

"I've failed, then." Gaara said, smirking.

Hinata flashed him a shy but bright smile and he felt himself relax enough to lean against the railing as well. She stood up and he watched as she reached back and grasped the hair tie that held her hair back in a bun behind her neck.

Hinata loosened the bind and released her long dark hair. He watched as she worked her pale fingers through her tresses absentmindedly and he realized that he felt a compulsion to touch it as well. Her action was so casual, it surprised him. It spoke of a sort of intimacy and ease which few people showed when they were around him.

Gaara's scrutiny of her grooming was interrupted by the hiss of the sliding glass door. To his horror he looked back and saw the intruders—a couple clasped recklessly together, seemingly completely oblivious to he and Hinata standing at the far end of the porch.

He was about to interrupt them when he felt a gentle tug on his sleeve. He looked over and saw Hinata smiling at him, she motioned for him to follow her as she crept over and leapt up on to the ledge, and then onto Ino's neighbor's balcony.

Obligingly he followed, curious to see where she was going and why she would refrain from confronting the rude, obviously completely inebriated couple.

He landed silently behind her on the neighbor's patio and followed her as she crept across the wooden surface of the patio. Amused, he watched as Hinata accidentally kicked a plastic watering can. The sound alerted the neighbor's dog and it began yapping at them from the behind the glass window. Giggling, Hinata doubled her speed, leaping onto the railing of the patio and hopping up on to the roof. Gaara followed her as she dashed pell-mell over the ceramic tiles and around to the other side of the steeply sloping roof.

The uneven surface of the roof made it so that they were both unaware of the patch of poorly adhered tiles until it was too late. To her surprise Hinata felt herself lose her footing. Seeing her slipping, Gaara lunged forward to steady her, and found himself falling as well. Reflexively he grabbed onto her as he fell and they slid together down the roof as faulty tiles came down around them in a cascade. Desperately, she gathered chakra in her hand and tried to grab hold of the drainpipe before they cleared the side but she failed to grasp it.

Gaara held onto her so tightly that she felt she couldn't breath. She watched as his gourd seemed to explode into a cloud of sand that welled up like an angry swarm. Instead of hitting the ground Hinata felt the acceleration of their descent gently slow until they finally made contact again with the earth.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as she opened her eyes again, and realized that she was sprawled gracelessly on top of him. Hinata looked down into his black hallowed eyes. He abruptly shoved her over, rolling on top of her and shielding her body with his own and his sand as she heard the sound of ceramic tiles shattering against his shield.

They stayed there until the sound of breaking pottery stopped. It was only a few seconds but the feeling of his body on top of hers made it seem as if they were the longest moments of her life.

"Ano…th..th..thank you," she said, grateful for being on the dark side of the apartment complex, where he would be unable to see the dark shade of red that currently adorned her features.

Gaara looked down at her, regretting that they were fast approaching the moment when his current position was no longer excusable. He stood slowly, gathering his sand and reforming the gourd on his back.

Hinata watched amazed, she had not seen Gaara "in action" since the chounin exam so long ago. It was remarkable, she mused, how much had changed in such a short time. If someone had told her that she would be saved from a nasty fall by Sabaku no Gaara after what she had witnessed in the forest of death, she wouldn't have believed them.

"I'm so m…much trouble; please excuse me, Sabaku-sama!" Hinata said as she bowed.

"Don't be ridiculous," Gaara responded gruffly, grateful that she was allowing him to save face by taking the blame for the fall.

Hinata looked up at him awkwardly, suppressing the urge to fiddle with her hands.

"Ano…" she said turning back and looking at the building. "Oh, I hope we didn't ruin it!"

"The roof?" he asked, incredulous. "It should be condemned."

"No…" Hinata smiled turning back towards Gaara. "The…couple…it was Yuuto and Haruru. Haruru has been pursuing him forever, I hate to think we…Sorry, this must seem kind of stupid. I take my friend's love lives a little too seriously sometimes. Well, actually all of the time. Probably because I'm too much of a spaz to have my own…umm…well whatever…Are you okay?" she asked, embarrassed by her clumsiness and her blabbering.

Gaara nodded, mutely, his blue eyes looking gray in the thin light coming from the street.

"Ummm…well, let's go back then," she said shyly, as she brushed some dirt from her body suit.

The door was open when they arrived upstairs. Hinata made a quick survey of the living room's occupants and determined that Yuuto and Haruru must still be otherwise occupied. Well, that was a relief, at least. Although that meant that she would have to go back later to collect her costume from the patio.

Hinata turned back to her companion, and blushed when she realized that his gaze was still fixed intently on her. She looked down at her hands and realized that she was fidgeting again. Scolding herself inwardly, she clasped them behind her back.

"Umm…could I interest you in a drink?" Hinata asked.

He nodded "yes." She smiled and made to move towards the bar.

"I'll get it," Gaara said suddenly.

Hinata gave him a puzzled look. How could he tell her that he wouldn't be comfortable with anything that wasn't made with his own hands? He relaxed when she nodded and smiled at him.

"I'll just be over here then," she said, indicating the currently empty dining room table.

"Hyuuga …" he said, abruptly.

She turned back to face him.

"And you?" Gaara said, jerking his chin towards the bar.

She smiled at him again; it was amazing how frequently the expression was coming to her.

"Could I have a glass of wine, please?"

Gaara nodded again and left her. Hinata sat down at one side of the dining room table and watched the crowd mingle for a while, catching snippets of gossip and innuendo. She looked up as Gaara returned. Hinata was surprised to see that he had brought her an unopened bottle of wine and a beer for himself. He set the empty glass down and watched as he screwed off the tin top of the wine bottle and poured her a glass.

"Thank you," she grinned as he turned the chair next to hers backwards so that he could sit with his gourd on.

Gaara nodded in reply after he swallowed his beer. The beer actually wasn't that bad, he had chosen it only because it was unopened.

They sat and watched the crowd for awhile in silence. That was until Lee emerged from a stupor from underneath the snack table across the room. They both watched as Lee sat up, hitting his head on the table as he did so. Cradling a bottle of tequila in his arm, Lee stood slowly and squinted miserably, scanning the room. His eyes fixed on Hinata and Gaara before Hinata could look away. Grabbing two shot glasses from the table, Lee sauntered over to them.

"Sabaku no Gaara, esteemed leader of the Sand…I challenge you to affirm the flame of your youth with me! Let us engage in a drinking contest!" Lee said, his chest held high, his eyes ablaze with passion. He slammed the two shot glasses and the bottle of tequila down triumphantly.

"Chouji-san has refused to meet with me in this battle of endurance! Will you accept this challenge?"

Gaara was flabbergasted. Lee was clearly already inebriated. Alcohol, which is technically a depressant, for some reason did not have a normal affect on Rock Lee. It was as if that essence which was pure Rock Lee-ness had been distilled and amplified. The over all effect was not unlike staring into the sun after your pupils have been dilated chemically.

Under the table, Hinata grabbed at Gaara's arm. She, like everyone else in Konoha, was well aware of Lee's drunken exploits. Gaara was walking into a trap. What always started with a simple drinking game, invariably evolved into a physical face off between Lee and whoever was stupid enough to accept his "challenge." The last bar this happened at burned down. No one really understood how or why.

Squeezing Gaara's arm, she gave Lee a brittle smile and then looked over at Gaara who was looking back at her with quizzical expression on his face. Her eyes widened when she looked at him and she mouthed the word "no." She watched Gaara, mentally willing him to absorb the recap of images of Rock Lee perpetrated mayhem that was playing in her mind's eye.

She watched as Gaara sat in silence, staring at her blankly. Hinata blanched and then blushed alternately as she watched an impish smile turn up the corners of Gaara's lips.

"I can't, Lee-san," Gaara replied. "Hyuuga-san has already challenged me to one herself."

"_Hinata-san!"_ Lee enthused, stars sparkling in his eyes. "Although unconventional for a delicate lady such as yourself to engage in such robust and manly pursuits, I proudly salute your embrace of such a youthful activity! Please, allow me to show my enthusiasm for this most worthy match by pouring for you!"

Hinata watched, all the color fading from her cheeks as Lee poured her a brimming shot of tequila, the dark yellow liquid sloshing out onto the table top. Pictures of the disaster that was eminent if Rock Lee were to be persuaded by Gaara to drink with him played through her mind as she reached forward to take the shot. She lifted the drink to her nose and sniffed it carefully. She winced. The fumes alone made her nose hairs feel singed.

She looked over at Gaara, who was smirking smugly. _Naughty man_, she thought.

"Ano…may I forfeit?" Hinata asked sweetly.

"Destiny forbids it!" Lee cried. Knocking over the chair he had sat on with a bang. "I refuse to allow you to dishonor yourself by giving up now, Hinata-san! I have always admired your tenacity. It is not unlike Gai-sensei's and is worthy of respect!"

Hinata winced. Well, there was no way to avoid this besides running away. She looked back at Gaara whose smile had left him and been replaced with a calculating stare. Hinata got the distinct feeling that he was testing her. Fine then, she would accept his challenge, even if she was destined to fail spectacularly.

Hinata lifted up her shoulders, and shot Gaara a look that said that she was ready. He nodded. They both lifted up their glasses. Hinata tried to somehow close off her nose as she tipped the glass into her mouth. She winced as the liquid which tasted paradoxically akin to fire, flashed over her tongue and down her throat. As soon as she had swallowed Hinata gasped and began coughing uncontrollably.

She became aware in the haze of her own coughing that she could hear a low, throaty chuckle coming from beside her. Hinata squinted through teary eyes over at Gaara who she realized was laughing at her! Amazed, she wondered if the affects of the liquor had already reached her brain. She had never heard Sabaku no Gaara laugh before. It was a sound she liked. Unfortunately his laughter was directed at her.

She rubbed the wetness from her eyes, and felt the gentle pressure of Gaara's hand on her back, patting her awkwardly. Hinata looked back at him.

"That was…horrible!" she said.

"Again?" he asked, smiling evilly at her.

Hinata squared her jaw, and gave him her best approximation of his own stern look.

"Yeah," she said.

Thirty minutes and four shots later, Hinata was enjoying herself immensely. She had kicked her shoes off and was now telling Sabaku-sama between sips of tequila (it was amazing how one adjusts to the taste) about her stories as an intern at Konoha's hospital.

"…He had walked back on his own, and then he called up again, asking this time to be taken to another hospital!" Hinata said, laughing at her own story.

Gaara, who had by this time also consumed a number of shots of tequila, realized that she had come to the end of her anecdote. Fixated entirely on the way her full lips formed the words that she was speaking, Gaara realized that he had not been paying any attention to what Hinata was saying. He hoped that he wasn't supposed to be laughing right now or something. Fortunately for him, Hinata was paying as little attention to his response to her story as he had to the telling of it.

"Oh look!" Hinata cried, pointing as if Gaara were somehow unable to pick out the man who was only fifteen feet from the table. "It's Nii-san. He has such pretty hair, doesn't he?" Hinata sighed. "So much prettier than mine."

"It's not," Gaara said, but his quiet response went unheard as Neji reached the table and glowered at the table's three occupants.

"Good evening, Cousin! Are you enjoying yourself?" Hinata smiled at him handsomely.

Momentarily disarmed by the ease and brilliance of her smile, Neji realized with a start that Hinata was drunk. He looked down at the table and saw a nearly empty bottle of tequila. Make that horribly drunk. Damn Ten Ten.

Lee who had just noticed Neji's presence took this moment to assert himself. Leaping from his chair, he stood in front of Neji, his outstretched fist quivering with youthful vigor.

"Rival! All night you have eluded me…"

"Idiot, you were passed out under a table," Neji interjected.

"Right!" Lee continued, unfazed. "Your plans to evade destiny are dastardly and sly! But now you have presented yourself for the challenge which you knew in your soul of hearts could not be avoided any longer! Hyuuga Neji…I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DANCE OFF!"

It was at this point that Hinata completely lost it. Overcome by a fit of hysterics at the mental image of Lee and Neji shaking their money makers in a match for supremacy, Hinata knocked over the remaining contents of her drink and fell backwards onto the floor.

Afraid she may have hurt herself, Neji dashed around the table only to find Hinata doubled up on the floor shaking with laughter. After exhausting her mirth Hinata unrolled from her ball and looked up at Neji's harsh, disapproving visage glaring down at her. Still lying on the floor, Hinata put her hands on her hips in an imitation of her cousin and scrunched her face into an equally censorious expression.

"This is a bad face you're making right now, Nii-san," she scolded. "You'll get lines like my father. Then you'll be just as ugly as he is. It would be tragic," Hinata said, gravely.

"Hinata-sama," Neji said, his anger at her irresponsibility draining from him as he realized how helpless she was at the moment. "Let's get you home."

Hinata nodded and lifted up her arms, allowing him to lift her up. She grabbed Neji's arm to steady herself as the room spun slightly.

"Let's go," Neji whispered, putting an arm around her waist to steady her. Her eyes closed, Hinata nodded and they began to walk.

Gaara sat and resentfully eyed the way Hinata's cousin was holding her around the waist. It annoyed him also that she seemed to be leaving him without saying goodbye. _Whatever,_ Gaara thought, turning back to what remained of his drink before realizing that he had lost all interest in it.

"Wait!"

He heard her voice and looked up to see Hinata walking back to him.

"Gaa…ah, sumemasen! Uh…Sabaku-sama," Hinata said mortified that she had almost called the Kazekage by his first name. "Ano…w…we never won! I mean, we never decided who the winner is," she said, her bright earnest eyes pleading with him, as if this were some terrible wrong.

"You're right…" Gaara said. "We'll have a rematch sometime, then."

"Honto?" Hinata asked, her eyes lighting up at the prospect of seeing the Kazekage again.

Gaara nodded, amused by the earnest excitement she seemed to have for the idea.

"Promise?" Hinata asked.

He nodded again.

"Good, let's shake," she said extending her hand.

He looked at it mistrustfully.

"No deals without a shake, tree house rules, Kazekage-sama," Hinata explained.

He took her hand and held on as she shook it with both hands, smiling like an idiot.

"Goodnight, then," she said to him.

Hinata turned and walked back to her cousin, who was glaring at Gaara. Unfazed, Gaara matched his gaze. Hinata could do whatever she wanted, and so could he. Gaara watched them both exit Ino's apartment and wondered if he would ever have the opportunity to keep their promise.

* * *

AN: I've had this sitting on my computer for awhile. I don't think I'll continue with it. I think perhaps Gaara and Hinata are too out of character. They're such a difficult couple to write for, because both of them are so taciturn.

I feel their interactions would be much better expressed in artwork, where their inability to communicate verbally wouldn't be such a hindrance to expressing their exchanges. But I can't draw. And so I write silly stories that are OOC.

I'm so amused that everyone sees this as a crack pairing. Sure, it's not cannon. But I don't see why it couldn't happen. Frankly I think Hinata's temperament and sensitivity make her a much better match than Sakura. After all, if Hinata could love Naruto despite his demon, then why couldn't she extend that same acceptance to another?

Naruto and Gaara make sense, too. But I have to admit that I enjoy writing and reading het stories more. What can you do? Hope you enjoyed it. Criticism and praise equally welcomed.

Extra Credit: Does the prevalence of yaoi and yuri literature on the net serve to further or restrict the acceptance of LGBT lifestyles in RL? Thoughts? Comments? WTF am I asking this? Actually I'm really curious to see what you have to say. I can't help myself.

xoxoxo

-Kari Kara


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